Aparigraha - revisited five years later

​In yoga philosophy, the Yama and Niyamas are moral guidelines and observances to lead a life. The lessons learned and the guidelines put forth are to remind and steer one towards a path of less suffering.

Suffering or dukkha can arise in many ways, including Raga or attachment. When learning these philosophies, I am reflecting that I misunderstood this concept of attachment to consumerism and material belongings. About five years ago, I decided to cultivate Aparigraha to heal through my desire to be a mom, even when the winds of time and change let me know that my body would no longer be that vessel towards this idea. I had always envisioned this for my life, and now I had to let it go. 
In some ways, after that, I also believed that I did my work with Aparigraha, and like a laundry list of things to do, I checked it off as done.

I am thinking about this study and exploration again because I feel devastated at this wee hour of the night. After all, a year's worth of planning to work ahead has been thwarted. For my past year in the clinic, I know that there had to be a certain number of clients that needed to be seen and hours to complete to graduate. I knew the rules, and I tried to plan. Some rules I knew would be challenging: I was responsible for finding my clients for the year. I knew that when my clinic was in a virtual community, I could ask dear students and private yoga clients that I have worked with to have the opportunity to try yoga therapy with me. They would receive a session with me and more profound work towards their well-being from a therapeutic lens in Yoga, and I was very honored and had many willing to step up and be clients. I also knew the weeks in person would be a struggle, and they were; I had no connections or connections to those connected to people in Maryland to book a yoga therapy session with me. So, I took on extra clients when possible and relied on planning to book many in my virtual sessions. 

My hard work of booking ahead seemed to be concluding; in fact, I am less than twenty-four hours from the idea of completing the necessary hours so that I wouldn't jeopardize my graduation and have to rely on making sure someone I don't know might not show up, meaning I won't graduate on time. Less than twenty hours from that possibility, I could almost taste what that meant. I could envision moments of my last weekend with my lovely peers and excellent teachers in an easeful state, taking lots of pictures for memories and being able to put complete focus on my previous big projects that will be presented that weekend. I wanted my last weekend to be easy and breezy, not reliant on a last client or two that may or may not show up to jeopardize my big celebration of these accomplishments, and I will be ready to take on my plans and goals as a new graduate in a profession I love. 

Even just writing that last sentiment, I didn't realize how much weightedness I clung to on this plan. Which, unfortunately, can no longer be my plan. My last client of my last clinic day will not happen. They canceled on me within less than twenty-four hours of their session, so I could not fill their time slot, change their timing of informing me, and let me envision the July that was coming to fruition in my mind. But amidst this setback, I am determined to return to the rich lessons I hope to impart to my future clients and patients in yoga therapy. I must use the tools I already know to practice them myself and witness my attachment to these expectations. 

First, I acknowledge that Aparigraha is not something I will check off my list anytime soon; I will use the tools of understanding this guidance to avoid being so attached to things beyond my control.   No one is at fault here. A year's worth of planning should have had less weight in my mind and heart. I still have the weekend in July to finish my session, and many of my peers will be providing their amazing gifts to other lucky souls seeking Yoga Therapy in July, too. 

I will breathe. While my lungs feel rigid with sadness and disbelief, I also have a client and a peer showing up tomorrow, and I want to show up for them, too. I continue to type, feel the clicks beneath my fingers, and think of my breath. I  breathe deeper, smoother, more peaceful, and easier into my body. It's coming in, and so is the sense of sleepiness.

I will practice gratitude for so many things; my ever supporting spouse, the clients who DID show up for me; I was able to practice developing as the best yoga therapist I can be. I also have one more weekend to fulfill my degree obligations, which means I can still accomplish my goals despite the challenge of an in-person client and this set-back. I am deeply grateful for the feedback and growth that I have had over this year; nothing has been wasted. It's just the plan is no longer the plan. There is a new plan, and I am thankful for the opportunities it brings. I will adhere to my self-maintenance practices to show up for myself and my clients tomorrow. 

Here are some ideas to try if you also want to practice this Yama in your life:
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1. Regularly evaluate your attachments: Reflect on the things, ideas, or relationships you may be overly attached to. Are these attachments serving you well or causing unnecessary suffering? 

2. Practice letting go: Find small opportunities to let go of attachments in your daily life. It could be decluttering your space, donating items you no longer need, or releasing emotional attachments to past experiences. 

3. Embrace mindfulness: Cultivate present-moment awareness to appreciate what you have without constantly yearning for more. Practice gratitude for the abundance in your life. 

4. Focus on experiences over possessions: Instead of accumulating material belongings, invest in experiences and relationships that bring fulfillment and joy. 

5. Volunteer and give back: Engaging in acts of service and giving without expecting anything in return can help develop a sense of non-attachment. 

6. Cultivate contentment: Recognize and appreciate the sufficiency of what you have rather than perpetually seeking more. 

Remember that embracing Aparigraha is an ongoing journey, and it's perfectly fine if progress comes in small increments. Always try kindness to yourself and others. 

-Valerie